Grief · Joy

Are You Really Living?

               If you have followed my blog for any amount of time, you know that I write a lot about fear and refusing to live in fear of the unknown.  I try to embrace each and every day the way that Ben would have wanted us to, without being afraid of what may lie ahead. 

               The other day my daughter asked if the coronavirus was done spreading yet and when we were going to be able to leave our house and see our friends.  I sat reflecting on the last time we had spent so many days in a row at home.  I could immediately recall when it was.  It was at the end of the summer of 2017 after we lost Ben.  In those days we stayed home because it was my safe place to hide.  My heart had been torn out and shattered.  I never knew when I might implode, so I needed to be in a place I could trust to protect me from the outside world.

               In those days, I wasn’t forced to stay locked away from the world, but I chose to.  I needed to be locked inside myself to heal so that I could return whole again (or as close to whole as I could get). 

               Being able to pick myself up after a loss like that was a challenge.  It was a challenge that I was not ready to face right away.  But, one day I woke up and decided I wanted to embrace living head-on.  I have prided myself the last two years on learning to live again, truly living!  I wake up every day looking for the next great adventure that will allow me to truly live life!

               I don’t know about you, but I have not really felt like I have been living the last few weeks.  Being locked away, told who I can and can’t see, being unable to plan for the future; makes me question my definition of living fully.  It’s made me wonder whether people, things, and places are what I really long for and whether I truly know how to be happy for myself. 

               And this is what I have learned.  We get to determine how happy we are in our circumstances.  No matter what put us in this place, we have a choice every day to make the best of it.  Just like everyone else, I want to see my family, and I want to see my friends.  I am disappointed in all the plans that have been cancelled and all the plans that won’t come to fruition because of this pandemic. 

And this is what I have decided to do:

  1. Keep Living.  Keep waking up every day and making the most of it wherever you are. 
  2. Keep embracing the ones you love.  Whether that is those you live with or your close circle of people that you are riding the storm out with, find a way to be close to them as much as you can.
  3. Keep making memories.  Try something new.  Learn some new games and watch new movies. 
  4. Keep sharing joy.  No matter how hard your current storm is, there are others who are struggling just as much or more.  Find them and figure out how to share a little joy with them.

               1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice at all times. Pray without ceasing.  Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is the will of God.”  I encourage you to keep on living life in spite of all uncertainty and doubt. Make plans and put them on the calendar.  Find a way to look forward to waking up every single day.  You won’t regret a moment spent looking for the good! 

2 thoughts on “Are You Really Living?

  1. Thank you so much Tricia for being real and transparent and honest. You are absolutely beautiful. I can so relate to your writings. Yes, please keep sharing what God has put on your heart. I am so proud of you. You are blessing so many people by being wonderful you. Big hugs to you and to your three precious treasures.

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  2. Thank you Anita! I just listened to it. I really like the lyrics, “so when I find myself under a load of circumstance and care, God wants to know what I’m doing under there!” And “cause the Lord is working all things out for my good!” So true! Thank you for sharing!

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