During the two years that Ben and I struggled with infertility, I found myself constantly
questioning whether we were trying too hard and whether we just were not meant
to have our own biological children.
Throughout all my ups and downs, Ben never gave up having faith that we would indeed have our own children. It was his constant prayer and our constant desire. When friends asked why we wouldn’t just give up and adopt, we shared with them that as much as we would love to adopt someday, we felt that God was going to fulfill our desires for our own biological children as well. One quote that I came across during that time of insecurity and trial was:
“What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love
deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get
up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical
community to discover …medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures
and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That’s not my destiny; that’s
just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled,
and, like it or not, I’m a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to
develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this
journey to resolution, and I haven’t let him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special
treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and
so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the
longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known.
While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman
could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a
baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice
I’ll say, “Don’t tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I
already know.”
– Author unknown
I have always known that God had every intention of fulfilling our dreams for a family, he just wanted to ensure that we were prepared and ready to love them with every bit of us. God has built in Ben and I a thirst that can only be quenched the day that we hold those precious children in our arms.
