Category: Joy

Posted in Joy, Travel

Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico

Posted on by Tricia T

A trip to Carlsbad Caverns has been on my radar since we moved to Texas a few years ago.  We looked at making a trip in 2020, but due to the pandemic decided to put it off a year.

We spent the first two weeks of June on the east coast split between Florida and the beach. And were heading to the northeast for the 4th of July! So we decided to stay closer to Texas for the second part of June. We decided a long weekend in New Mexico wouldn’t wear us out too much in the middle of all that travel!

We made the seven-hour trek down on a Friday afternoon excited to get settled into the Airbnb.  The drive from the DFW area took us through endless desert land.  Pretty sure we only saw a couple of stop lights and gas stations during the entire trek.  When we arrived at the Airbnb, we were disappointed to find that it was not going to work out for us for the night. 

Without going into too much detail, the back door to the house was open when we arrived. The house was unclean. And the locks on the windows were not in working order!

We ended up cancelling the reservation (this is a first for me) and getting rooms at a nearby hotel instead! With the temps nearing the 100s, this ended up being a good choice since the hotel had a pool! I love when there is a silver lining 😉

Carlsbad Caverns

We settled into the hotel and went out for dinner before wearing the kids out at the pool before bed!

On Saturday, we had late morning reservations to get into Carlsbad.

  • If I haven’t mentioned it before, I highly recommend getting a National Parks pass.  We have used it repeatedly this year and have gotten our money’s worth about 10x over!   

We checked in at the desk and got our tickets. Then we walked outside in the sunshine to start our trek down into the caverns.

You have two options to get into the caverns. You can make the 1.25 mile steep trek downhill (the equivalent of about 75 flights of stairs). Or you can take the elevator. Being that we had kids with us, we absolutely made the walk down! The view walking down into the caverns was incredible.

For much of the walk we were not within viewing or hearing distance of anyone else. It was cool and calming. And even the kids enjoyed it!

The amphitheater steps leading down towards the caverns.
The descent into Devils Den

When we made it to the bottom, we linked up with the Big Room Trail. This trail explores the caverns and is another 1.25 miles, mostly flat as you go through the different “rooms” of the caverns. The views were incredible and once again I stood in awe of nature.

Pictures do not do this place justice. It’s something you truly have to see to appreciate!

When we finished, we agreed to ride the elevator up. The kids thought it would be neat to take an elevator up over 750 feet! Our obligatory visit to the gift shop was followed by the kids turning in their Jr. Ranger books in order to receive their Junior Ranger pins.

  • If you have not looked into the Junior Ranger program at the national parks, check it out.  It is free at most parks and encourages the kids to answer questions and learn about the park as you are visiting!  They are rewarded at the end with a patch or pin from the park!     

We ate lunch and then made our way back to the hotel to do some afternoon swimming. We decided to return to the park in the late evening to see the bat flight program at sunset. This is one of the more challenging activities to do with kids. They encourage you to get there early before the sun sets, but you must remain still and quiet the entire time. Quiet is essential to not disturb the bats as they are waking up. We ended up at the program the same night as National Geographic had a photographer present to capture the view. Viewers are not allowed to take pictures or have cell phones at the bat flight so you have to imagine the view of 1000s of bats taking off in semi-dark sky!

Sitting Bull Falls

Sunday morning we packed a picnic lunch and made our way to Sitting Bull Falls.  The falls are a short drive from Carlsbad and are unique in that they are located in a canyon.  Sitting Bull is a collection of falls that are in the Lincoln National Forest and are open to the public for swimming.  We all wore our bathing suits because it was going to be another triple digit day! 

There is a parking area for the falls with restrooms and cabanas with picnic tables close to the parking. The falls are only a short hike from the parking area and you as you walk into the canyon you can see wild goats running back and forth across the canyon walls.

We picked a spot to set our stuff and then the kids ran to dip their feet in the water. They each took turns going out to the waterfall and coming back while playing near the shore.

After we sat and watched the goats climbing the canyon walls. Watching them maintain their footing while running back and forth was truly mesmerizing.

See if you can spot them!

We decided to venture back to Carlsbad for the afternoon and found our way to the water park in town.  Admission was only $5 a person and there were almost no lines for the slides all afternoon.  The kids (and adults) had a blast in the water.  We ended the evening with a nicer dinner in town and made our way back to the hotel to get some rest since we would have a long drive home in the morning.  We enjoyed a leisurely drive back through the barren desert after the kids were all up and moving! 

This is definitely a trip that we enjoyed. Like Death Valley though, is not something I would make a special trip back to do again.

Posted in Joy, Prayer

Remembering to Live…

Posted on by Tricia T

My word for 2021 was live. 2021 was supposed to be the year I remembered I was still alive. I started the year still living in fear of the unknown and ended the year remembering how important it is to make every moment count.

If we are friends, you know I have talked a lot the last few years about not living in fear.  I have tried to focus on the good and joyful instead of being afraid of what could or would happen. 

2020 threw me for a loop. Everywhere I looked, there was fear and death.  It took a toll on me both physically and mentally.  I spent two years making every moment count. Then in a few short weeks, was told that it was best for us to stay home and do nothing.

I had to put aside everything we planned and embrace a “new normal.” And normal consisted of staying close to home and not being around the people that we loved. 

2020 was the year fear came back in. I allowed myself to worry about my decisions, my plans, and the long-term effects of my actions… it was also the year that I realized how much both the kids and I had lost when their dad died.  2020 was the year that I really forgot that I was still alive.  The pain was truly heart-wrenching and we did not see an end in sight.

And then at the start of 2021, we lost my father-in-law.  I got on a plane to Ohio with the kids and realized that a whole year of visits home had been cancelled because of fear.  We had lost out on so many moments of sharing life with him because we were in fear of death.  And I realized that I didn’t want 2021 to end the way 2020 did. 

I woke up the morning we flew to Ohio and realized that I wanted my kids to know that we could be smart and still embrace living.  We didn’t have to stay home alone and miss out on so many moments with loved ones.   

So in 2021, we made 5 trips to visit our loved ones in Ohio; 5 trips to see my family in NC; and 2 trips to visit my grandparents in Maine.  We took 2 extended road trips with my parents and took time to fly to see friends across the country.  Our family stepped foot in over 30 states last year and visited one international country. We didn’t go everywhere we planned, but we did get to expand our horizons over the course of the last 12 months.

And in between trips we stayed close to home without any extracurriculars outside of church and school.  We were safe, but we made every moment count.  And the kids loved it.  We found a normal in living again and embracing time with the people that we love, including each other.

We spend a lot of time talking about what we remember about their dad.  They remember a trip to Disney with my parents and Ben when they were 2 & 4 years old.  They remember going to the beach in NC with my family a few months before he died.  Their memories consist of photos of moments spent together.  And those same photos remind us of how he embraced every moment he had with them.

I know if Ben was here today, he would be living every moment to the fullest.  He embraced life.  He would jump on every opportunity to see the world (as safely as possible) while still living. 

I do not fault anyone for choosing to stay in the bubble of protection close to home.  But I have watched as countless friends have lost loved ones who did everything a certain way and they still got sick.  I believe my husband did everything right and still got cancer.

I have spent countless hours worrying about my children losing another parent to sickness… but I know that our days are all numbered.  And the truth is, I would worry whether I was sitting at home homeschooling or running all over town at every opportunity.

We can do everything right and still suffer pain and heartache.  I pray every day for the health of me and the kids as we go about living, but I cannot stop living any more.  Because I have learned when I sit still, I forget that I am still alive.

So 2021 was truly the year I remembered I am alive.  I am thankful for every memory from this year. Grateful for every moment spent with the people we love. And I appreciate every treasured photo they will have to look back on many years from now. 

I needed to live in 2021… and I pray that in 2022 we will be able to keep on living and embracing every moment. I want 2022 to be the year we do more than live…. I want it to be the year we thrive!!

**You may not agree with my sentiments in this post, but please know I respect your choices and do not fault you for them.  Everyone has to make the choices they feel are best for their family. I just know we have already lost so much and I can’t allow us to lose the chance to live (safely) while we can!

Posted in Ben, Grief, Joy

Fifteen Years of Rainbows and Raindrops

Posted on by Tricia T

Fifteen years ago, I woke up after a mostly sleepless night.  I was excited about what would easily become one of the best days of my life.  It had been a late night… In fact, I had hopped into a red convertible Corvette with my soon to be husband late the night before.  We had taken a short drive away from all the family staying in the dorm I oversaw.  And we found ourselves dancing under the streetlights in a parking lot next to the Campbell University football field. 

People might think that was romantic.  Or they may think that was a silly way to spend the night before our wedding when dozens of people were in town to spend time with us.  But Ben knew that even after hours of lessons preparing for our first dance, I was still nervous to dance in front of our family and friends.  And he wanted to make sure I woke up on our wedding day without a single worry in my head. 

I forgot about that moment until last night.  I lay in bed alone, remembering back to the night before that memorable day.  A night when I saw all that I had dreamed of finally coming to fruition. 

Our wedding day… May 28, 2006

Today would have marked 15 years of marriage to the first person I ever loved.  15 years of learning about life, love, and each other.  15 years of parenting and growing our family together.  Years that weren’t perfect, but where we continued to choose each other despite everything we faced.

Today is my anniversary… but at the same time, it’s not.  Because we only got 11 years of marriage to learn and grow together.  We only got to prove to the world that we could do it all for 11 short years.

I learned a lot in those 11 years… and even more in the four years since that relationship unexpectedly ended.  And this is what I know:

  • Marriage is hard work.  In 2014, I blogged about how there was no title that I ever worked as hard for as Mrs.  I had not forgotten about earning my doctorate, but I knew that I was going to spend every day for the rest of my life working hard as a wife. 
  • Marriage is worth it.  I have not forgotten the hard moments of marriage.  The moments when you both must fight in order to keep on moving forward together.  When it feels like the world is imploding around you.  It does not matter how much work it is, it is worth it.  It is worth it to know that you get to wake up every day next to the love of your life until the end of time.
  • Life is short.  This is probably the most cliché, but it is also the best advice I can give to anyone in a relationship.  Tomorrow is never guaranteed.  In fact, today may not be either.  Do not waste a single minute.  Love big, embrace the ones you love, and enjoy every second with them.

If you are one of the lucky few who have gotten to spend more than a decade with the one you love, I applaud you.  I envy you.  I wish I was you.  I will likely shed a tear or two hearing about your 25th and 50th anniversary knowing that I will be old and gray before those celebrations will be on my radar again. 

But I will also cheer louder and harder for you then anyone else.  And I will thank God that He allowed you all to make it to that point… because marriage is hard, and while it is worth it, not everyone makes it to that point.

So here is my advice to you: Cling to those you love, remember that life is short, and celebrate every little milestone the two of you reach together. It is worth it.

Today I’m remembering moonlight dances, cheesecake, and wedding vows. And missing the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life working hard to deserve. Happy 15th Anniversary in Heaven, my love! Love you, Mean it!

Posted in Joy

Book Review: Rest for the Weary by Shay Mason

Posted on by Tricia T

I recently had the opportunity to read an advance copy of Rest for the Weary by Shay Mason.  This is an incredible book that shares stories of how the author has stepped out of fear into true freedom.  And how she has learned to embrace rest for her weary soul.  The truths from scripture that this book has intertwined in it’s pages have reminded me of the importance of living a life without fear, a life full of forgiveness and joy.

Fear

One of my favorite things about this book is the author’s ability to admit her own fears and shortcomings while refusing to remain in those difficult places.  She shares stories of others who have been fearless in the pursuit of life, but admits honestly, “I know I’ve not yet been made perfect, but I also know I have a Father who gives lavishly (1 John 3:1). His love is infinite and always available. The more I let him touch my heart, the more love I receive. It’s actually pretty simple, but it’s easy to get caught up in our heads trying to force a change in ourselves.”

I can honestly say that I have struggled with fear my entire life.  Fear of losing those I love.  Fear of leaving my children without parents. Even the fear of making the wrong decisions and not being able to fix the mistakes I have made.  This book reminded me that no matter what our fear is, God is always there willing to rescue us and give us hope.

Forgiveness

Throughout the last few years of my grief journey, I have openly admitted my struggle with forgiving those who have hurt my feelings and who seem oblivious to the pain others feel.  When I am not sure which of us needs to forgive the other, I have found myself trying to be content with letting those relationships die out in order to keep my own heart “at peace.”  

Woven within the pages of her story, she shares some beautiful truths about love and forgiveness that really stood out to me.  She says, “It is profoundly beautiful when God heals a person’s heart to such a degree that they can genuinely experience love and compassion for the person who hurt them. Truly, what could be more Christlike?”

I think deep down each of us knows the importance of forgiveness and how it can allow for not only our own healing, but for healing of relationships and souls as well.  The reminders in the book can not be overlooked.  Shay says, “Conversely, when we embrace forgiveness, it unleashes power for good. Lives are transformed, families restored, and nations are redeemed. Forgiveness is an inseparable component of love, and it is the work of God. While the world clambers for justice, retribution, and revenge, true forgiveness is so countercultural it can be shocking. Walking in forgiveness is kingdom living. It is radically different from what the world expects.” 

Refusing forgiveness not only keeps us from healing, it keeps God from truly speaking to us and using us the way that we can be used.  Forgiveness is finding love within ourselves to give openly and freely to everyone, no matter how much they have hurt us!

Embracing Joy

My struggle for joy in the everyday is one I write about a lot.  Shay says, “We are often led to believe that if we experience an absence of peace or joy, we must not be a “good Christian.” In response to this feeling of inadequacy, it is tempting to follow the lead of Adam and Eve by wearing metaphorical fig leaves to cover our sense of failure.”

Being transparent and allowing others to see my struggles is something that I have learned to be comfortable with the last few years.  Knowing that no matter how many times I fail, I can keep on trying.    

This book is laden with truths and great insight into the struggles each of us have with resting our weary hearts and souls.  I encourage you to read it and see for yourselves!  It released this past week and if you are still looking for a mother’s day gift for someone special in your life, it would make a great gift!

Posted in Joy

Still Striving to Be Intentional

Posted on by Tricia T

 We fit in a lot on our weekends at home the last few weeks: movie nights, game nights, golf, chess playing, church, pedicures, reading together, wildlife rescue centers, painting dates with friends, and family time.  Not to mention laundry, cleaning, and a lot of dance and piano practicing. 

I am not trying to win any medals for being super mom, or even trying to prove anything to myself (ok maybe just a little).  Mostly, I am trying to make the few moments I have with my kids each week really count!

I have written a lot about living with intention since losing Ben.  And I have never needed to live life more intentionally than I have this year. 

If you had asked me a year ago if I would go back to work full-time outside of the home again before my kids were grown, I would have given you a resounding no.  In fact three months ago, I would have still said NO!

Teaching graduate classes online has been such a blessing the last few years.  In addition to giving us extra to travel, I could drop them off and pick them up from school every day since we stopped homeschooling.  But in the fall, I felt God calling me to agree to long-term sub a 6th grade class for a few weeks. Nine months later, I find I am still there.

This was not a part of my plan. And it was something I embarked on with a little trepidation.  I even prayed with the kids over whether it was a good choice for us.  Especially in this season of life that we are in. 

While they miss me being in the carline and dropping into their classrooms, they have not had to be in daycare for a single day.  Instead, they are picked up and brought home by my best friend each day. 

But they get home an hour before I do which means that those long afternoons together have gotten a little shorter, and our time together has become more precious. 

So as a result we have entered a season of a lot less scheduled activities and a lot more fly by the seat of our pants.  And you know what?  It has been good for all of us.  Mostly because it has caused me to be more intentional with my time. 

I have learned to navigate teaching my graduate school classes in record time. Now, I limit my grading to one block of time a week or a couple evenings after they are in bed. I have learned to let having a clean house go for a little while in exchange for togetherness. We have groceries delivered (thanks Covid) and Doordash too! And while they probably still think I say no a lot, I have tried to let myself say yes to a lot more!

In many ways, I think that my going back to work has been a blessing for us as a family.  Because I realize now that I had become complacent and scheduled.  Despite being home all the time, I took the time I had with my kids for granted. I don’t think I fully appreciated it.  Now, with less time, I find myself spending more intentional, quality time with them.

A few weeks in Bible study I was reminded of the importance of taking the Sabbath to rest. And why we need to reflect on the good in our lives. I realized that one of those goods was being able to spend time with the children that God has blessed me with!

And now we are on the downward slope of 4 final weeks of working outside the home this school year. Then it will finally be the long-awaited summer break. Those weeks may be filled with takeout and dirty floors, but happy children; and a mom who enjoys every moment with them.

I’m learning to make the most of my time. And most importantly, I have learned that when I trust God with the outcome, my days are way more blessed than I could have expected. And the return is tenfold from what I could even imagine.

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

-Matthew 6:31-34 NIV

Posted in Joy, Travel

National Parks Tour: Stop 1- Grand Canyon National Park, AZ

Posted on by Tricia T

Day One:

               As soon as we returned from Utah last summer, I started planning out a trip to go back.  I knew we wanted to go explore some of the National parks we missed on our last trip, but when the weather was cooler for hiking and being outside!  For spring break we decided we would make a trip out west to visit several of our country’s national parks.  My parents bought a new RV last fall and I started encouraging them to make a trip out to Texas. I joked that we would hop in and travel with them. 

The planning got underway and I laid out our trek west in detail, getting more and more excited. I looked at renting an RV and traveling out west to visit the parks. I started to plan and lay out the schedule, and decided that for a short 10 to 12-day trip, we would be able to do more and see more without the extra drive time added on to either end! So, we purchased flights and my parents made the trip out to Texas to fly with us from here!

Our fifteen hour roadtrip map!

               We decided to fly roundtrip to Vegas because it was central to all the places we wanted to see. And flying there was cost-effective for both the flight and a SUV large enough to hold 8 people!  Plus, I wanted the kids to see the Hoover Dam. What better way then by driving over it on our way to our first stop at the Grand Canyon! 

What we did not anticipate was that our morning flight would arrive without my luggage. So we decided to grab lunch and wait for it. Otherwise we could not be sure that we would have our winter gear and hiking stuff the next morning. This was obviously not part of our plan. However, we decided that it only added to our adventure and it also meant that we got to see the Hoover Dam at sundown before crossing into Arizona!

Sundown at Hoover Dam and the twisty road we drove to get there!

We made a quick stop at the Hoover Dam and then made the trek to our hotel in Williams, AZ. It had been almost two decades since I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time. I knew I wanted the first visit to be unique for the kids. In researching places to stay nearby and ways to see the park, I knew I wanted them to get their first view on a train ride from Williams. They have all ridden trains before, but nothing like this one. This ride begins with a Wild West shootout in town before boarding the train to the canyon. And as a bonus it would alleviate us having to drive in and park to see the canyon.

For convenience we decided to stay the night at the Grand Canyon Railway Hotel (they also have an RV park for those who do make the trek by RV 😉).  The hotel was nothing fancy, but the lobby has a beautiful fireplace and the kids loved that we could see the train right outside!

Day Two:

Saturday dawned bright and COLD! We woke up to snow on the ground and a very chilly morning. But it did not keep us from enjoying the Wild West show and the train ride!

The Marshall facing off with the Cataract Creek gang

We boarded the train a little after 9 for a 2-hour trip to the canyon. The train is still socially distancing their passengers. That meant we had a few empty rows in front of and behind our party of 8. My parents upgraded us to first-class for the train and we were treated to hot chocolate, cider, drinks and breakfast on the trip!

Our view from the train!

Our car had our very own passenger service attendant. He was fantastic and made sure we were well taken care of.  He gave us recommendations of what we should be sure to see while we were in the village.  There was even some musical serenading during the ride.  We watched as it snowed outside throughout most of the trip. And the kids took some fun videos of the scenery as we journeyed while reading more about the Grand Canyon’s history.

We disembarked in Grand Canyon village and I hurried everyone to see the view. Despite the heavy fog and snow, it was still a beautiful sight.

The view of the canyon
Climbing trees and enjoying every moment… even the cold ones!
Me preparing to hike down the rim trail… but unable to convince anyone to come with me 😉

We hit up all the gift stores and museums to stay warm. And made the trek back and forth on the rim and determined that we would change our plans to come back the following morning if the weather improved before we drove on to Utah!

Our train ride back to Williams was just as eventful and fun as the ride out. We ate snacks and prepared to be attacked by the Cataract Creek gang of wild west outlaws. They escaped while we were at the canyon 😉. The kids enjoyed playing along and even pulled out money to “hide” as the robbers came through our first-class cabin. The Marshal finally caught up with them and took them into custody as we pulled back into the station.

               We had dinner at the Fred Harvey restaurant after our return. Then we let the kids shop for souvenirs with their travel budget before heading to bed for the night.

Day Three:

The next morning dawned chilly, but clear. I-40 closed in both directions due to the icy roads. That meant the only direction we could go from the hotel was to the canyon. Serendipity!

We set out early and found the roads fairly clear all the way up. We stopped at several overlooks to take pictures before returning to the Grand Canyon Village.

What a difference 24 hours made!
There is so much beauty in creation that can not be captured in photos.

It was not crowded at all for a spring break weekend. We even beat the train into town. We ate a leisurely lunch while the kids played in the snow. This time we could walk the rim and see everything clearly.

After lunch we took an abundance of pictures. Then we did some walking before getting back on the road towards Utah and the second stop on our great National Parks Tour!

Key Takeaways:

  • The Grand Canyon covered with snow was gorgeous, but prepare yourself for the lower temps if you go in winter!
  • If you can afford to splurge on a train ride, it is absolutely worth it. First class isn’t necessary as all the train cars have the same great service. You just might have to pack your own breakfast and snacks!
  • Do not rush your visit! One day was definitely not enough, even though you can see a lot in one day!
  • If you can afford to stay at the El Tovar hotel, it has a wonderful restaurant. It also has some gorgeous views of the canyon! It is now on my future bucket list 😉 There are definitely affordable options in and around Flagstaff and Williams to stay OR camp.
  • And the town of Williams has lots of great things to do. I highly recommend a visit there if you make your way out to the Grand Canyon. We did not take advantage of all the options, but there is always next time 😉

Posted in Joy, parenting

Should I Shelter My Kids From Pain?

Posted on by Tricia T

               I recently got heart-breaking news delivered right as my sixth graders returned from lunch.  I had not processed the news enough myself to even know how to respond when the students came barreling in and saw me crying as I hung up the phone.  I left school quickly, fully expecting someone would tell them why I was upset so that they would understand. 

               I received so many emails from students in the subsequent hours.  Students who had not even seen me that day, or who were in my morning classes, were emailing because they heard I was crying.  They wanted to make sure that I was okay.  And they all wanted to make sure that I would be coming back to school the next day.  I was told to tell them I had a family emergency and would be back next week.

               There was a time a few years ago when I thought I needed to shelter my kids from any kind of sadness and suffering.  I tried for several years to shelter them from their dad’s seizures and cancer.  I did not think they needed to know he was sick.  I wanted them to have a carefree childhood free of pain and suffering.  But when my twins were only three years old, their dad took them on a walk through the neighborhood and had a seizure.  He fell off the curb into the road.  They sat with strangers and watched as he was loaded into an ambulance and waited for me to arrive to pick them up.  I realized when they explained it to me that they knew far more than I realized and that sheltering them only made them more afraid.

Here is what I have learned about sheltering my kids:

  • Loss and pain is a very real part of life. It is everywhere. You cannot hide from loss and you cannot run away from it. Someday they will have to face pain. And when they do have to face it head on, they need to know how to process it.
  • Sheltering them makes them think we should ignore hard things. When we shelter our kids, we are teaching them it is not acceptable to talk about hard things. It is teaching them that pain and loss and things to be avoided. When my kids first started school, I remember a teacher telling me that my son needed to go to counseling because he was always telling people his dad was dead. I remember saying, “but he is.” The teacher told me that it was not healthy for a six-year-old to talk about loss so much. But speaking that truth is necessary for us to process it as reality. The last thing I ever want is for my children to grow up thinking that they cannot talk about hard things or that they should avoid them because it might make others uncomfortable. That loss is a part of who they are.
  • Letting my children feel the pain and loss of others has developed compassion in them. It has taught them to feel for others who have lost. It is teaching them to be kind individuals. When I told my kids about losing their grandfather recently, the first words out of my 7 year old’s mouth were, “That is so sad for Grandma. Now she has lost her son and her husband. She must be very sad. Are we going to go see her so we can hug her?” And I cried. Not only for our loss, but for her loss, and for my mother-in-law’s loss. And because my children have had to process so much pain already in their young lives.

               The last few years I have struggled with whether to shelter or expose my children to pain and loss and suffering.  But pain and loss are very real parts of life.  They will not be able to avoid those difficult moments as the get older and they have to know how to persevere through hard things and come out stronger. 

               I still pray that difficult moments will not find them.  I pray that we will not have to face the loss of anyone else that we love and I pray they will not have to mourn lost relationships.  I try to make sure that my kids lives are filled with as much sunshine, confetti and roses as possible and I try to teach them to embrace every single day head first.  But when those difficult moments come, so much more frequently than I would hope, I hope I have taught them to face them head on too.  We cry the tears, we embrace the sadness, we hug each other a little tighter, and we learn the lessons… together, one heartbreak at a time. 

Posted in Joy

Cookies For Santa, Cause We All Need Something To Believe In

Posted on by Tricia T

 Last week when I picked up my kids from school, my youngest asked me if we were going to leave out cookies for Santa this year.  She caught me off guard as we have never really encouraged a belief in Santa in our house.  In true big brother fashion, my oldest quickly told her that Santa isn’t real and looked to me to back him up.  And over the next few moments, a million thoughts ran through my head before I could respond.

My first thought was if I tell the truth will it end up like it did when she told everyone at school what she thought were our thoughts on Halloween? (if you haven’t heard that story yet, it’s a good one… 😊 I’ll save it for another day).  Or will she get in trouble like her brother for touching the class elf to prove there is no magic there? 

Then my mind moved on to… is this something she needs to believe in?  And is this belief going to hurt her?

I honestly don’t remember if my parents told us Santa was real or not when we were growing up.  I do know that Ben and I decided early on that we would tell our kids the truth about things like this.  But I also know that whatever my parents told me, it obviously didn’t leave any lasting damage.  And I know that as children (and even as adults) we all need something to believe in.    

Now I don’t by any means equate Santa as being up there with God on things that give us hope.  But I do know that in her short 6 years of life, this little girl has had a lot of things taken from her.  She has faced more loss and pain then someone her age should have had to…  And if I am being honest, there have been more times than I can count as an adult when I have wanted to believe in my own little fairytale.

Over the last few years, I have learned that no matter what comes at me in life, I can find a steadfast hope and belief in the things unseen.  I am thankful for a heavenly father that gives me that hope and that I can trust in Him when things are tough.  That belief is what has helped me live through the hardest moments of my life, and is the reason I can still find a reason to smile at the end of each day.

So of course, my mom brain went a million miles a minute as I analyzed what I should say and do.  And on that five-minute ride home from school I asked her… do you want to believe Santa is real?  And she said she did because she wanted to leave him some cookies.  I told her that I was not going to tell her that Santa was real, but that if she wanted to believe that he was this year, that she could.

The presents have been wrapped and under the tree for days.  And not once has a child asked me if Santa would be bringing anything for them… because they know that the spirit of this season in our home is in giving.  And they know that this holiday is a celebration of Christ’s birth. 

They didn’t ask about what Santa would be doing for them, instead they only asked could they leave him some cookies.

So today we decorated cookies and she and her sister picked out the ones they wanted to leave out for Santa. Their big brother reminded me before he went to bed that they would be disappointed if I forgot to put them out. And when I went to tuck him in one last time, he asked if I was really going to eat all those cookies… since they all know that I am really Santa 😉

So this Christmas, I am grateful for children who believe in the things they can not see.  I am thankful that they look to me to always tell them the truth no matter what.  And it warms my mama heart that she was able to tell me that yes, she wanted to believe in this, this year… because I think one of the hardest things that I have learned through grief is that it is okay to believe in something again. 

And tomorrow, we will wake up and read the Christmas story over breakfast before they open any gifts… and we will talk about the true meaning for this holiday… and I will pray that this sweet little baby of mine will always remember that we always have Someone to believe in…

I don’t know if you still believe in Santa Claus 😉 or if you know that there is Someone greater that you just can’t “see.”   I am praying for you today, that God reminds you that He is the reason for this season, and He is all you really need!  Merry Christmas!

Posted in Joy, parenting

Is A Surprise Worth A Lie?

Posted on by Tricia T

We have been talking a lot about telling the truth around our house lately… about what the truth is and when it is okay to tell a lie. 

The kids have asked why sometimes parents lie to their kids and why adults would lie to each other.  It has brought up a lot of hard conversations that I have tried to handle with grace.  I have been learning to share my thoughts carefully these days since my kids love to share exactly what I say with everyone they know. 

Last night they asked if there are good lies and bad lies and how to tell the difference.

First, I do not think that lying to our children is ever a good practice.  It causes them to lose their trust in us and it can even cause them to lose their faith in people in general. 

But, we talked about how sometimes parents will lie to their children to keep something a surprise… by maybe telling them they are going one place when they are really going somewhere else.  The parents mean well and don’t consider that lying, but later on the child may only remember that their parents told them something different.  Why did they lie to me? 

Do I lie?  Sometimes…

I take a different approach with my kids… and I tell them outright if I am going to lie to them… which they reminded me of during this conversation.  Whenever I take them on a surprise trip, they love to try to guess where we are going.  I tell them upfront, even if they guess the surprise, I will not tell them and ruin the surprise.  Sometimes I will even say, one of your twenty guesses was correct, but I’m not going to tell you which one. 

Telling the truth builds trust.

I think it is important to build the element of trust with my kids.  If they are going to the dentist to have work done on their teeth, I tell them that yes, it is going to hurt.  If we are going to have to face a fear, I address it head on rather than letting it be a last minute surprise. 

When their dad was sick and they told me that they were scared of him dying, I never promised them that he was going to be okay.  Instead I told them that I got scared sometimes too, but that I prayed that God would heal him and I knew that no matter what, WE would be okay.  As a rule, I never make promises that I’m not sure I can keep to them.  If I’m not sure about something, I tell them upfront I don’t know.  And I rarely say never…

Proverbs 12:22 says, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people that are trustworthy.”

I would take that verse a step further and say that our children delight in us too when they know they can trust us to follow thru on our words. 

So in answer to the kids question, no I don’t think that there are good lies and bad lies… I think it is important to speak truth to them so that they will grow up to be adults of strong character as well.

What do you think?  Are there situations when you think it would be okay to not tell the truth to a child?  Times when you think that there are “good” lies?

Posted in Joy, Travel

Houston & The Space Center

Posted on by Tricia T

               Last spring when the school schedule was posted for the next two years on the district website, I started researching the best places to go during each of the school breaks.  I like to plan ahead and I love to think about where in the country is the best place to visit during that time of year.  Last year we spent Columbus Day weekend in Michigan visiting family after flying into Chicago! 

This year I was determined to take my kids back to Niagara Falls for the long weekend. Since they are old enough to appreciate it more, I thought early fall would be a great time to see it! I also knew I wanted them to see the Falls from the Canadian side on our next trip back. I figured if we were lucky we might get to throw in a trip to see my sister in upstate NY too.

Even without the ability to travel to Canada this time around, we considered asking B’s mom how she felt about us flying somewhere. But with the kids in school and wanting to avoid any of them having to miss school if they get exposed to any crazy germs, we decided once again to stick a little closer to home. As hard as it was to accept, we decided to pick somewhere we could drive to since it was only a long weekend.

  We debated between Oklahoma, the Texas Hill Country and the Houston Space Center for several weeks until finally E and I asked the kids last Monday to take a vote.  Apparently they have been  watching space videos at school this past week and they all unanimously voted for the Space Center.  B had been there before, but it was still his first choice.  He reflected that he was older and could appreciate it more now then the last time.  And while I had been to the Kennedy Space Center, I had not visited the Houston one and thought it would definitely be worth a visit!

We looked into Airbnb’s for this trip, but after pricing them and watching Hurricane Delta heading towards the coastline, we decided we had better book hotel rooms that were refundable. Luckily when we checked Thursday, it looked like the hurricane was not going to hit Houston with much more than rain, so we did not have to change our plans.

I have mentioned before that we have several museum memberships that have reciprocity and the Science and Technology Centers membership includes the Houston Space Center.  This meant that the only cost for this trip would be lodging and food. So we reserved our timed tickets and after a half day of school on Friday made the short (several hour) trek to Houston to check into our hotel. 

SATURDAY

We planned to arrive at the Space Center mid-morning on Saturday so after hot breakfast at the hotel we set out. One of the perks of membership is that you get to bypass the line at most museums and science centers so we skirted past dozens of people hoping for tickets to head right in when we arrived.

We avoided the simulators (tight spaces overdosed on cleaning supplies) and let the kids explore the exhibits.

Solving puzzles
Learning facts about Space travel

They enjoyed listening to how the astronauts eat, sleep and use the bathroom in space and figuring out how much they would weigh on other planets. I, on the other hand, enjoyed the tram to see the Johnson Space Center and the Apollo Mission Control Center.

After a day of exploring at the Space Center, we ate at an amazing Ramen restaurant and headed back to the hotel for popcorn and a movie night.

SUNDAY

On Sunday morning, we once again had a leisurely start to the day, not meeting up with B and E until 10am. We decided to head to Galveston to see the beach and the gulf first. It was definitely a hot morning, so we didn’t beach walk. Instead, we just spent a few minutes taking in the view!

Afterwards, we decided to head for Kemah Boardwalk to see the Aquarium and have lunch. The kids got excited about eating beside the 200 different species of fish. None of them remembered eating at the Aquarium Restaurant in Nashville during our years living in Tennessee, so it was very entertaining.

The view from Kemah Boardwalk.

               After lunch we walked the boardwalk.  We let the kids each pick a ride to ride.  The boys decided to head for the wooden roller coaster while the girls and I took a leisurely train ride.  By the time we finished, everyone was ready to head to the car.

The wooden roller coaster (probably no one wanted to ride it more than Kinsey, but she wasn’t tall enough)

               We decided to drive into downtown Houston to see the Water Wall (which was off) and to grab dinner at a restaurant that I remembered from when we stayed in Houston a few years ago.  We had a fantastic dinner at BellaGreen and I learned that they even have a location in Dallas now! We will definitely be heading there soon!

               We ended the day with popcorn and another movie night before heading back to our rooms to get a good night’s rest!

MONDAY

Monday morning we made the trek back to Fort Worth after a hot hotel breakfast made just for us (no really, we were late and they were done, but they made us fresh waffles anyways… haha).  The kids learned some history about Sam Houston on the ride.  And I used the time in the car to catch up on grading graduate school papers.  We made it home in time for a late afternoon lunch and a walk through the neighborhood with friends to mentally prepare for another week of school! 

While I highly recommend the Houston Space Center, I don’t know if Houston really needed a full weekend. Since our goal was to have a relaxing, low stress weekend after six very full weeks of working, it was exactly what we needed. But if we make a trip back to see the lights at the Space Center this fall, we might not stay for as long as we did this trip!