Posted in Joy, parenting

Is A Surprise Worth A Lie?

We have been talking a lot about telling the truth around our house lately… about what the truth is and when it is okay to tell a lie. 

The kids have asked why sometimes parents lie to their kids and why adults would lie to each other.  It has brought up a lot of hard conversations that I have tried to handle with grace.  I have been learning to share my thoughts carefully these days since my kids love to share exactly what I say with everyone they know. 

Last night they asked if there are good lies and bad lies and how to tell the difference.

First, I do not think that lying to our children is ever a good practice.  It causes them to lose their trust in us and it can even cause them to lose their faith in people in general. 

But, we talked about how sometimes parents will lie to their children to keep something a surprise… by maybe telling them they are going one place when they are really going somewhere else.  The parents mean well and don’t consider that lying, but later on the child may only remember that their parents told them something different.  Why did they lie to me? 

Do I lie?  Sometimes…

I take a different approach with my kids… and I tell them outright if I am going to lie to them… which they reminded me of during this conversation.  Whenever I take them on a surprise trip, they love to try to guess where we are going.  I tell them upfront, even if they guess the surprise, I will not tell them and ruin the surprise.  Sometimes I will even say, one of your twenty guesses was correct, but I’m not going to tell you which one. 

Telling the truth builds trust.

I think it is important to build the element of trust with my kids.  If they are going to the dentist to have work done on their teeth, I tell them that yes, it is going to hurt.  If we are going to have to face a fear, I address it head on rather than letting it be a last minute surprise. 

When their dad was sick and they told me that they were scared of him dying, I never promised them that he was going to be okay.  Instead I told them that I got scared sometimes too, but that I prayed that God would heal him and I knew that no matter what, WE would be okay.  As a rule, I never make promises that I’m not sure I can keep to them.  If I’m not sure about something, I tell them upfront I don’t know.  And I rarely say never…

Proverbs 12:22 says, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people that are trustworthy.”

I would take that verse a step further and say that our children delight in us too when they know they can trust us to follow thru on our words. 

So in answer to the kids question, no I don’t think that there are good lies and bad lies… I think it is important to speak truth to them so that they will grow up to be adults of strong character as well.

What do you think?  Are there situations when you think it would be okay to not tell the truth to a child?  Times when you think that there are “good” lies?

Posted in Joy, Travel

Houston & The Space Center

               Last spring when the school schedule was posted for the next two years on the district website, I started researching the best places to go during each of the school breaks.  I like to plan ahead and I love to think about where in the country is the best place to visit during that time of year.  Last year we spent Columbus Day weekend in Michigan visiting family after flying into Chicago! 

This year I was determined to take my kids back to Niagara Falls for the long weekend. Since they are old enough to appreciate it more, I thought early fall would be a great time to see it! I also knew I wanted them to see the Falls from the Canadian side on our next trip back. I figured if we were lucky we might get to throw in a trip to see my sister in upstate NY too.

Even without the ability to travel to Canada this time around, we considered asking B’s mom how she felt about us flying somewhere. But with the kids in school and wanting to avoid any of them having to miss school if they get exposed to any crazy germs, we decided once again to stick a little closer to home. As hard as it was to accept, we decided to pick somewhere we could drive to since it was only a long weekend.

  We debated between Oklahoma, the Texas Hill Country and the Houston Space Center for several weeks until finally E and I asked the kids last Monday to take a vote.  Apparently they have been  watching space videos at school this past week and they all unanimously voted for the Space Center.  B had been there before, but it was still his first choice.  He reflected that he was older and could appreciate it more now then the last time.  And while I had been to the Kennedy Space Center, I had not visited the Houston one and thought it would definitely be worth a visit!

We looked into Airbnb’s for this trip, but after pricing them and watching Hurricane Delta heading towards the coastline, we decided we had better book hotel rooms that were refundable. Luckily when we checked Thursday, it looked like the hurricane was not going to hit Houston with much more than rain, so we did not have to change our plans.

I have mentioned before that we have several museum memberships that have reciprocity and the Science and Technology Centers membership includes the Houston Space Center.  This meant that the only cost for this trip would be lodging and food. So we reserved our timed tickets and after a half day of school on Friday made the short (several hour) trek to Houston to check into our hotel. 

SATURDAY

We planned to arrive at the Space Center mid-morning on Saturday so after hot breakfast at the hotel we set out. One of the perks of membership is that you get to bypass the line at most museums and science centers so we skirted past dozens of people hoping for tickets to head right in when we arrived.

We avoided the simulators (tight spaces overdosed on cleaning supplies) and let the kids explore the exhibits.

Solving puzzles
Learning facts about Space travel

They enjoyed listening to how the astronauts eat, sleep and use the bathroom in space and figuring out how much they would weigh on other planets. I, on the other hand, enjoyed the tram to see the Johnson Space Center and the Apollo Mission Control Center.

After a day of exploring at the Space Center, we ate at an amazing Ramen restaurant and headed back to the hotel for popcorn and a movie night.

SUNDAY

On Sunday morning, we once again had a leisurely start to the day, not meeting up with B and E until 10am. We decided to head to Galveston to see the beach and the gulf first. It was definitely a hot morning, so we didn’t beach walk. Instead, we just spent a few minutes taking in the view!

Afterwards, we decided to head for Kemah Boardwalk to see the Aquarium and have lunch. The kids got excited about eating beside the 200 different species of fish. None of them remembered eating at the Aquarium Restaurant in Nashville during our years living in Tennessee, so it was very entertaining.

The view from Kemah Boardwalk.

               After lunch we walked the boardwalk.  We let the kids each pick a ride to ride.  The boys decided to head for the wooden roller coaster while the girls and I took a leisurely train ride.  By the time we finished, everyone was ready to head to the car.

The wooden roller coaster (probably no one wanted to ride it more than Kinsey, but she wasn’t tall enough)

               We decided to drive into downtown Houston to see the Water Wall (which was off) and to grab dinner at a restaurant that I remembered from when we stayed in Houston a few years ago.  We had a fantastic dinner at BellaGreen and I learned that they even have a location in Dallas now! We will definitely be heading there soon!

               We ended the day with popcorn and another movie night before heading back to our rooms to get a good night’s rest!

MONDAY

Monday morning we made the trek back to Fort Worth after a hot hotel breakfast made just for us (no really, we were late and they were done, but they made us fresh waffles anyways… haha).  The kids learned some history about Sam Houston on the ride.  And I used the time in the car to catch up on grading graduate school papers.  We made it home in time for a late afternoon lunch and a walk through the neighborhood with friends to mentally prepare for another week of school! 

While I highly recommend the Houston Space Center, I don’t know if Houston really needed a full weekend. Since our goal was to have a relaxing, low stress weekend after six very full weeks of working, it was exactly what we needed. But if we make a trip back to see the lights at the Space Center this fall, we might not stay for as long as we did this trip!

Posted in Joy, Travel

Waco, Texas

               I have been a big fan of the Fixer Upper for the last few years. And I have wanted to make a trip to Waco since long before I moved to Texas.  The timing never seemed right, but it has stayed at the top of my to do list for a long time. E had been wanting us to head there for almost as long!  So Labor Day weekend and an extra day off school and work seemed like a good time to make the trip there. 

               We spent a good bit of time planning this trip as we wanted to make sure it was memorable after so much anticipation.  We chose to splurge and stay at a Fixer Upper house for the weekend.  After I finished teaching on Friday we drove the short two hours to Waco and checked into the house in the midst of downtown.

Fixer Upper Season 2 Episode 1

Saturday morning we decided to head to the Silos to explore. The day dawned warm and bright and we started our visit with breakfast at Magnolia Bakery. We waited in a socially distance line and made sure to take time to enjoy our meal together before we jumped in line to see the rest of the Magnolia site.

Magnolia Bakery

E decided to head to the coffee shop while the kids and I went to see the showroom. After a brief tour looking at some of the latest creations we settled back outside to wait for E to return.

We spent a leisurely morning wandering around the Magnolia grounds and then loaded back up to see some of the other sites that Waco had to offer.

Throughout our three day weekend we checked out the silos, went on a self-directed tour of some of the Fixer Upper sites, visited Baylor campus, walked the suspension and pedestrian bridges, toured the Waco Mammoth site, visited Homestead Heritage and even spent some time at our Fixer Upper house watching the season that was filmed there!

Suspension Bridge

The kids enjoyed the Mammoth site and walking the pedestrian bridge, but the warmth of the weekend made it not as appealing to be outside. Our favorite parts of the weekend were truly spent relaxing with books and watching Fixer Upper in our Fixer Upper house!

Mammoth Site

Monday we had to head back to reality, but it was definitely an adventure I would love to repeat, maybe with a few shopping purchases from Magnolia for my own house next time!

Posted in Joy, Travel

Missouri Points of Interest

              After our trip to Missouri at the end of July, I knew I wanted to make our way back up with E & B for E’s birthday and one last fun trip before the end of summer!  I did some research and decided that I wanted to visit a few places near Springfield and maybe spend a day or two in Branson, so I kept an eye out for a great Airbnb that we could rent.  We decided on one in downtown Springfield and I started planning out our drive.  I have to note, that because this was a birthday trip for E that it was our most expensive trip of the summer.  Knowing that there were several things that we knew would cost extra, we planned ahead and watched Groupon for deals on activities that were on our list (and the kids list) of possible activities.

THURSDAY

We left early on Thursday morning. The drive to Springfield was about seven hours, so we loaded down with snacks, lunch & dinner in the cooler so we could stop for fun, but we wouldn’t need to stop for meals. While all six of us had been to Oklahoma before, we hadn’t been together, so we did plan some stops through the state while we were driving.

We stopped to see the Praying Hands at Oral Roberts University and picnicked by the largest concrete totem pole (who knew that was even a thing).

Praying Hands
Largest concrete totem pole

We stopped at the intersection of Oklahoma, Kansas, & Missouri for another photo op too 😊 and then had a picnic dinner by Grand Falls in Joplin!

Intersection of Oklahoma, Kansas, & Missouri
Grand Falls in Joplin, Missouri

Our Airbnb was amazing. It reminded me of a house right off of Fixer Upper and the kids enjoyed that there were plenty of rooms for everyone to spread out (and I appreciated that I got to have my own room instead of sharing with the girls for a change 😉)!

FRIDAY

On Friday, we headed towards Branson. One of the things all of the kids agreed they wanted to do was visit the National Tiger Sanctuary. We timed it right in ordering military discounted tickets and ended up there when they were starting a feeding tour, so we got to tag along without paying the upcharge. Despite the hot morning, the hour-long tour was incredible. The kids got to see all the tigers up close and watch them eat. They heard stories of how they were rescued and how they are cared for. We got to see some lions and a few other animals they have taken in as well.

After the Tiger Sanctuary, we stopped at the Creation Experience Museum. The museum is on the small side, but free. Even though we have visited the Creation Museum in Kentucky and the ICR Discovery Center in Dallas, we still really enjoyed this stop. We got a private tour and bought a few dvds for the car ride. Our tour guide told us they are working on moving to a larger location that will allow for them to expand the exhibits that they have in the future!

The next stop was one that B requested, and all the kids agreed with. We bought tickets on Groupon for the World’s Largest Toy Museum. This was fun for all of us as we saw toys that we grew up with and that we remember seeing in our grandparents houses as well while we were growing up. The kids enjoyed seeing the massive collections of Jurassic Park toys, matchbox cars, Barbies, and pretty much every McDonald’s toy ever made.

From there we made our way to the Snowflex Park at Wolfe Mountain. While we did lots of sledding when we lived in NY, and played in lots of snow in Ohio, I had never taken the kids snow tubing. While this wasn’t exactly the same thing, it was a blast (even at 90 degrees outside) and everyone wished we could have stayed longer!

SATURDAY

Our second full day was supposed to be spent in Springfield and Sunday in Branson again, but as a last minute surprise E’s brother decided to fly out for E’s birthday and we decided to head home a day early.

So when E and I were talking about how to spend Saturday, we both decided we wanted to head back to Branson. While searching separately, we both came up with Dogwood Canyon and decided it was a sign that we should head there for the day. We had originally planned to do some hiking, caves, and an animal safari so when E found the tram ride through the Canyon we decided that it combined all the things that we were hoping to do in one and went ahead and booked it.

We packed a picnic lunch and made plans to explore and picnic before the tram ride. Dogwood Canyon is breathtaking. Pictures do not do it justice.

We spent the morning doing some hiking, exploring and then ate lunch outside of the nature center underneath the Treehouse Masters Treehouse (from Animal Planet) before boarding the tram for our tour.

The 2+ hour tour took us through the entire canyon. We stopped by waterfalls, the Wedding Chapel, Glory Hole and numerous bridges and stone crossovers.

The tram then crossed over into Arkansas entering Bison-Elk Country where we were able to see American bison, elk, whitetail deer and Texas longhorn. The animals walked right up next to the tram and the kids were able to see them up close and personal!

On the way back, the tram stopped crossing over a waterfall so that the kids could see the fish swimming right up next to us. The beautiful clear water was definitely something to see!

Upon arrival back at the Nature Center, we were able to see some animals up close and personal, like a couple of tarantulas and snakes!

We finished the evening with Hibachi Grill and packing up to head back to Texas!

SUNDAY

Our trip home was uneventful since we wanted to make it back in time to visit with family! If your travels and budget allow, I highly recommend a visit to Dogwood Canyon in Branson! Everyone agreed that while Missouri was not our most “affordable” trip of the summer, we can’t wait to go back to Branson again!

Posted in Joy, parenting

So Many Choices, But No Clear Answers

               It’s the first day of school for this bunch… and my first day for my online students as well.  It’s a day I have both looked forward to and dreaded for the last six months.  The number of decisions I have been responsible for during this pandemic sure have weighed heavy on my heart. I don’t know about you, but I crave options and hate them all at the same time.  No one likes being told what to do, but at the same time, I abhor making decisions.  And I am notorious for second guessing everything.

               The past two years I really struggled with the decision about where to send the kids to school.  Two years ago they attended a University model school, and last year they attended an amazing public school in our district.  Both years the Lord blessed my choice so much that I knew that the decision I had made was from Him.  And I never regretted it.  Despite all my fears about public school, all three of them had the teachers that I prayed for, that were what each needed and I could not be more thankful for the environment they were in.  And as a bonus, I got to work at their school a couple hours a week all year while keeping my university job!

               But now we have come full circle.  I decided early last year that I was going to keep them at the same school this year.  I was so excited about the options for the teachers they could each have, and then the pandemic hit.  My decision making/stressing started all over again… which leads us to today…  the first week of four weeks of remote learning before we return to in person learning in September.  To say I am sure about my decision would be a lie, but I know that when I have followed my gut in the past, I haven’t regretted it… so in the words of a dear friend, “I’m doing it scared…”

You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers Right Now 

              If you are like me and questioning your schooling decisions for this year… here’s what I want to tell you.   There are very few decisions in parenting that I have been 100% sure of.  Some of my greatest successes and my greatest failures as a parent have come from making choices I wasn’t totally sure about.  Sometimes there aren’t great options, and the choices aren’t ones that we would ever have chosen for ourselves.  It really is okay to “do it scared.” Bathe it in prayer, then live life, jump in with both feet and see where things go.  If you realize down the road you need to switch things up, that’s okay.  That may be the only way we get the confirmation that we are doing the right thing. 

               So we are starting out this school year with Philippians 4:6 as the verse for us to remember, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

               My days will be a little busier than I planned the next few weeks, but I am embracing every moment, and while I’m at it, I’ll be praying for you too!  Whatever decision you made for this year: homeschooling, in person, or remote… I’m praying you get the confirmation you need that you are doing the right thing! 

Posted in Travel

Adventures with Little House on the Prairie

               One of my fondest memories of the time Ben got to spend with the kids during his years with cancer was his nightly ritual of curling up on the couch with them and watching Little House on the Prairie.  I read them the first couple of books when they were in preschool, and they loved watching the series come to life with their dad.  He and I both loved the books.  And when Ben and I made a cross country trip a decade ago, we made a point to stop and see some of the Little House sites.  I think he might have even enjoyed those stops more than me as they were a reminder of his childhood. 

Ben at the Little House in Wisconsin, summer of 2009

               This summer the kids and I revisited the books in anticipation of a summer road trip to Kansas and Missouri to see some of those sites in July.  The kids embraced watching the series (season after season) and reminding me what was the same between the books and the movies and remarking on all the differences.  We were all excited about the opportunity to see where Laura sat to write the books, and the little house in Independence, Kansas that was like the one they lived in during their year on the prairie.

               Our first stop was at the house on Rocky Ridge and the museum in Mansfield, MO.  We went on a private tour through the historic house where we got to see the house and the furniture that has been meticulously preserved.  The kids enjoyed hearing the history of it’s numerous additions where Laura and Almanzo spent much of their married life.  After our visit to the house, we visited the Little House Museum next door.  The museum is home to a timeline of Laura’s life and written works set up to let you travel through her entire life in pictures and memorabilia.  Pa’s fiddle is even housed within the museum.  We didn’t get to see the Rock House on this trip due to arriving close to the end of the day, but the museum and historic house were worth the trip all on their own! 

Little House at Rocky Ridge
Timeline of Laura’s Life at the Museum

               We stopped to overnight in Joplin, and the next day we made a stop at the state line where Oklahoma, Missouri and Kansas all come together.  While there wasn’t much to see there, the kids enjoyed standing on the spot where three states meet.

               Then we set out for Independence, Kansas.  As I remembered from my visit there in 2009, the site was difficult to find, but it was worth the search.  The site where the little house replica stands also houses an old one room schoolhouse, apothecary, post office, and several covered wagons.  As always, we made a stop in the giftshop for souvenirs before we left.  This time we chose a historical video retelling of Laura’s life that we could watch on the way home from Kansas. 

Little House on the Prairie
One room school house replica
The Little House replica
A covered wagon
The sites of the Ingalls/Wilder family travels

               Whether you are a homeschool family or just a family who loves literature, there is nothing like making history come alive for your kids through travel!  If you have traveled somewhere with your children to share pieces of history and have recommendations from literature to go along with them, I would love to hear about it!

“The real things haven’t change.  It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

Posted in Travel

Lewis and Clark and Iowa Adventuring

               This has definitely been the summer of last minute travel plan changes, but I’m learning so much about going with the flow and embracing change!  A few weeks ago the kids and I were supposed to go to Ohio to visit family and ended up having to cancel last minute.  We were all disappointed as we had plans to visit friends on the way there and back, not to mention all the family we weren’t going to get to see.  So instead of canceling the entire trip, we decided to add on some fun stops and head north to see friends in St. Louis anyways.  Since we have been to see St Louis before, we decided to stop and see some things on the way there and the way home rather than spending all of our time in the city (and mark off states 35, 36, & 37 for the four of us together).

Picnic stop in Kansas

We drove through Oklahoma and Kansas with picnic stops for lunch and dinner along the way.  Our first overnight stop was in Nebraska.  We arrived just after dinner and checked into our hotel overlooking nonstop fields!  The view was fantastic, and other than one big rig, I don’t remember ever staying somewhere where you didn’t see cars and roads in every direction!  We woke up and grabbed breakfast on our way out of the hotel, heading for the Lewis and Clark Expedition Museum in Nebraska City, Nebraska.

This was a fantastic stop and while we only intended to spend an hour or so, we ended up spending the whole morning.  We watched a documentary explaining the Lewis & Clark Expedition and then explored the three-story museum.  There were canoes, a full size keelboat replica, and even a keelboat game that they could steer and try to keep from crashing (we failed miserably)!  After exploring the museum we hiked to the overlook so we could see the Missouri River and then made our way to see the Native American earth lodge on the other side of the property. 

A map of the Lewis and Clark expeditions
Practicing steering the boat
Hiking to the Missouri River Overlook
Inside the Native American earth lodge

We finished our visit with a picnic in the parking lot and then crossed the state line into Iowa with a visit to Waubonsie State Park.  We had the park pretty much to ourselves as we hiked the Ridge and Bridge trails from the Overlook where we could see for miles!  This park allows for hikers, horseback riders, and camping.  The kids decided we should come back in the winter when they allow snowmobiling!

Waubonsie State park
Views from the Ridge Trail
Heading back to the car, hike complete

Next time we want to explore the other half of Kansas and Nebraska.  There are several places in both we would like to visit and friends who we were close to that we missed out on seeing! More trips are definitely in our future!

Posted in Travel

Travel on a Budget

People ask all the time how we can afford to travel so much or tell me nicely 😉 they wish that they could afford to travel like we can.  So I want to tell you how we afford to travel so many places without breaking the bank!

I am blessed to still have an income coming in from Ben’s pension each month.  That income pays for most of our regular living expenses, but is NOT enough to pay for the extras like travel and fun educational and sports classes that the kids enjoy so much!  So for all these bonus expenses, I work!  I teach online classes and am a guest educator/tutor in my kid’s school district.  We budget for travel and we look for deals for wherever we want to go months in advance, even if we aren’t ready to pull the trigger on purchasing them yet! (Right now I am tracking on 4 different trips stateside that I’m price checking and waiting for the right time to take them!)

We had planned to travel internationally (to Europe) twice this year and budgeted for the trips since we moved to Texas.  Since the pandemic hit and cancelled a lot of those travel plans, we have quite a bit of money in flight credits waiting for us, and it freed up some cash that we could use to take some local trips throughout the United States in the meantime. 

I’ve mentioned before that we look for cheap lodging (but if you like camping you can definitely find lodging that is even cheaper!), and try to book things on AirBnB and other similar sites that allow us to save money overall.

Here are a few ways to save money:

  • FIND FRIENDS.  Sharing an AirBnb can eliminate half of your cost and you can split cooking as well so it still feels like a vacation. OR go visit family or friends who will let you spend a few days crashing with them for free while you sightsee in their area!
  • BRING YOUR OWN FOOD.  Pack a cooler of food, snacks, drinks and lunches so that you don’t have to eat out.  If you are in an Airbnb, plan some easy meals and pack the ingredients.  It does not have to cost anymore than eating at home does!
  • THINK FREE!  Look for state parks, national parks, and other free activities wherever you are traveling.  You don’t have to do expensive tours and excursions.  There are so many blogs and websites out there that will tell you all the free things to do in a location that will more than keep you busy!
  • ALWAYS HAVE AN EYE OPEN FOR DEALS.  If you have the ability to book last minute, it can save you a ton.  Many places will lower rates at the last minute so that they don’t have empty rooms.  I always check Groupon and other sites where we are traveling to see if I can get a good deal on an activity that we really want to do.  If you have never taken a cruise before, I highly recommend trying to book one last minute if your schedule allows it (I took a week long $300 cruise to Alaska one summer because I booked a balcony room last minute!  Cruises are one place that will drop rates incredibly low in order to fill every room… but maybe save it til the world is a healthier place😉). 

Places you can find deals:

  • Airbnb.com (if you want $35 off your first stay, ask someone to refer you! Or you can use this link: https://abnb.me/e/X9L069kq08!). Then share your link with everyone you know. If they sign up, you will get credits to use with Airbnb.com in the future too!
  • Groupon.com has deals on all sorts of activities. I always price compare to make sure the Groupon price is lower than what we would pay buying on site.
  • Museum Memberships. We have a membership to two different museums that get us into museums all around the country. These memberships cost about $180 total, but last I totaled we saved over $600 in museum visits by using the passes just last year!
  • State/National Park passes. Look up what these cost in your area. Ask for them for birthday/Christmas from family because they are the gift that keeps on giving!
  • We have booked some travel through military sites that are available to use since Ben retired military.
  • I have also heard great things about bookvip.com, but I have never used them. They are on my list to check out!

**As a reference, I recently took a 4 day trip with the kids to Nebraska, Iowa, Missouri, & Kansas.  We paid for a couple of activities and spent three nights in hotels, with food, gas, lodging and entertainment I spent under $600 for the four of us! We could have saved money by staying at cheaper hotels/camping and by not doing things that cost extra money, but it was still an affordable trip!

I encourage everyone I know to travel with their families, no matter how old the kids are OR how short the trip is.  Traveling with your families makes memories that last a lifetime!

Anyone else have money saving tips they want to share?

Posted in Joy

Three Long Years Have Gone So Fast

Psalm 23:4, NIV: “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Three years ago, I woke up in a hospital room to nurses and doctors rushing in to tell me my husband was struggling to breathe. So much changed in a matter of hours and I was not prepared for the day ahead, especially not calling family to come and say goodbye.

I don’t know if you can ever be prepared to say goodbye to someone that you love. 

I still remember being in a daze two weeks later when I shared this post about losing him:

I was not ready that day, nor was I prepared for all the days to come in the last three years, but in reflection this is what I can tell you three years later:

  • Grief does not end.  Finding happiness can not replace the years that you were supposed to have together.  I will always feel a pain in my chest when people talk about how many years they have been married and what anniversary they are on.  I got 11 years and then the counter reset to 0.  You never stop wishing for those years back.
  • Pain does subside some.  You can find joy again.  Every day will not be riddled with pain for the rest of time.  If you choose to keep living and find a way to push through the pain, one day you wake up and realize that you having been crying a little less and smiling a whole lot more.
  • I will always grieve what my kids lost.  Nothing can ever replace the loss of a parent.  Nothing.  No one.  While I am thankful for those who have stepped in to share in loving my children alongside me, I will always be sad for the days and years ahead that they didn’t get to have their daddy there as a part of it.
  • God provided everything I needed.  He provided even when I didn’t realize He was providing it.  Friends who would chat in the middle of the night.  Neighbors who mowed my yard for me.  A new home and a fresh start with a strong support system to help lift us up when we needed it.
  • God is still a good God.  I do not know why Ben had to get cancer.  I do not know why he had to die.  He was one of the healthiest people I have known in my life.  But I do know God is still good.  I do know He is still on the throne.  And I do believe that He still has a purpose and a plan for my life and that of my children.  And maybe, just maybe that purpose would not have come to fruition if he had been able to stay here with us.
  • Ben prepared us in ways I didn’t even realize til recently. He taught me how to embrace life in the midst of hard times.  He taught me that cancer and death can’t win if we don’t let it.  He made me realize the importance of living every day to the fullest and surrounding ourselves with people who love us.  And most importantly he reminded me every day to trust God with the outcome.

I would like to believe Ben is looking down from heaven on us now.  I am sure he is proud of all that we have accomplished and overcome in the last three years.  I believe he would be smiling about the fact that we have kept on living life.  I know he would be incredibly proud of our three beautiful kids.  And I hope he knows how much we love and miss him even now, three years later.