Posted in Joy, Prayer

Remembering to Live…

My word for 2021 was live. 2021 was supposed to be the year I remembered I was still alive. I started the year still living in fear of the unknown and ended the year remembering how important it is to make every moment count.

If we are friends, you know I have talked a lot the last few years about not living in fear.  I have tried to focus on the good and joyful instead of being afraid of what could or would happen. 

2020 threw me for a loop. Everywhere I looked, there was fear and death.  It took a toll on me both physically and mentally.  I spent two years making every moment count. Then in a few short weeks, was told that it was best for us to stay home and do nothing.

I had to put aside everything we planned and embrace a “new normal.” And normal consisted of staying close to home and not being around the people that we loved. 

2020 was the year fear came back in. I allowed myself to worry about my decisions, my plans, and the long-term effects of my actions… it was also the year that I realized how much both the kids and I had lost when their dad died.  2020 was the year that I really forgot that I was still alive.  The pain was truly heart-wrenching and we did not see an end in sight.

And then at the start of 2021, we lost my father-in-law.  I got on a plane to Ohio with the kids and realized that a whole year of visits home had been cancelled because of fear.  We had lost out on so many moments of sharing life with him because we were in fear of death.  And I realized that I didn’t want 2021 to end the way 2020 did. 

I woke up the morning we flew to Ohio and realized that I wanted my kids to know that we could be smart and still embrace living.  We didn’t have to stay home alone and miss out on so many moments with loved ones.   

So in 2021, we made 5 trips to visit our loved ones in Ohio; 5 trips to see my family in NC; and 2 trips to visit my grandparents in Maine.  We took 2 extended road trips with my parents and took time to fly to see friends across the country.  Our family stepped foot in over 30 states last year and visited one international country. We didn’t go everywhere we planned, but we did get to expand our horizons over the course of the last 12 months.

And in between trips we stayed close to home without any extracurriculars outside of church and school.  We were safe, but we made every moment count.  And the kids loved it.  We found a normal in living again and embracing time with the people that we love, including each other.

We spend a lot of time talking about what we remember about their dad.  They remember a trip to Disney with my parents and Ben when they were 2 & 4 years old.  They remember going to the beach in NC with my family a few months before he died.  Their memories consist of photos of moments spent together.  And those same photos remind us of how he embraced every moment he had with them.

I know if Ben was here today, he would be living every moment to the fullest.  He embraced life.  He would jump on every opportunity to see the world (as safely as possible) while still living. 

I do not fault anyone for choosing to stay in the bubble of protection close to home.  But I have watched as countless friends have lost loved ones who did everything a certain way and they still got sick.  I believe my husband did everything right and still got cancer.

I have spent countless hours worrying about my children losing another parent to sickness… but I know that our days are all numbered.  And the truth is, I would worry whether I was sitting at home homeschooling or running all over town at every opportunity.

We can do everything right and still suffer pain and heartache.  I pray every day for the health of me and the kids as we go about living, but I cannot stop living any more.  Because I have learned when I sit still, I forget that I am still alive.

So 2021 was truly the year I remembered I am alive.  I am thankful for every memory from this year. Grateful for every moment spent with the people we love. And I appreciate every treasured photo they will have to look back on many years from now. 

I needed to live in 2021… and I pray that in 2022 we will be able to keep on living and embracing every moment. I want 2022 to be the year we do more than live…. I want it to be the year we thrive!!

**You may not agree with my sentiments in this post, but please know I respect your choices and do not fault you for them.  Everyone has to make the choices they feel are best for their family. I just know we have already lost so much and I can’t allow us to lose the chance to live (safely) while we can!

Posted in Joy, Prayer

Is This Really My Life?

(A repost, but in light of Covid, I couldn’t resist resharing)

There are days when it seems I can’t get over the fact that this is not the life I signed up for…

I signed up for a marriage that was going to last forever…

I signed up to be a crunchy, homeschooling mom of a half dozen or more kids who respected their elders, said please and thank you and NEVER talked back.

I signed up for the house with the white picket fence and enough rooms for everyone we know to visit.

I signed up for kids who wouldn’t know heartache and pain and who would grow up being empathetic without having to go through tragedy to get there.

And I signed up for all that planning to do it with the same man for the rest of my life…

the man who affirmed me every day of our marriage and who without sometimes I don’t know how to survive this parenting gig…

BUT somehow that contract got lost in the mail and what I got instead was a quiet house with too many empty rooms,

kids who have been through more then their share of pain…

(And talk back every chance they get…)

Kids who have had more than enough sugar and processed food the past two years to make up for the five years of deprivation,

And who went to public school last year so that I have time to work to pay the extra bills that come along with being a single mom…

And now, in the midst of a pandemic, we have come back around full circle and I am having to pray and trust God all over again with every decision and every move that I make…

I didn’t sign up for this!

I’m Making the Most of It

But this life that I didn’t imagine… the one I didn’t expect or think I deserved… has forced  me to trust God more than I ever have before…

I have learned to bathe every decision I make in prayer and faith.

I got the kids that talk back so I would remember to ask Jesus to help me with them every single day,

I got the empty house so that I will have quiet nights to pray and seek God’s help daily…

I got the kids who have truly suffered a loss so that God could show me how to handle pain, both mine and theirs, especially now.

This is not what I signed up for, but because it isn’t the life I wanted, I have to trust the Lord to bring about His purpose and plan every single day. 

Momma, if this isn’t the life you expected or deserve, I’m praying for you… that you will be able to let go of what you think should have been and make every minute of what is count too…

Posted in Challenge, Joy, Prayer

Pray about it, don’t just talk about it!

I listened as my friend detailed her troubles with her husband and her children and when she finished I told her I would be praying for her.  We hung up the phone and I sat convicted, why didn’t I just go ahead and pray for her?

Too often I find myself saying I will be praying for you when I hear about a situation that could use prayer, but I realized that most of the time I forget to actually do it.  At the time, I always think I will remember to pray for them later, but in reality, I forget before my prayer time rolls around.  What about you?  Do you remember to pray for people when you promise you will?  Do you have a good system in place to remember when you promise to pray for someone?

This summer, I went to a Christian writing conference and God spoke to me through an unexpected encounter with a fellow conference goer.  She heard my story and walked to my hotel room one afternoon to pray for me.  She was one of the first people I have met who didn’t just say I will pray for you, she actually stopped what she was doing, and sat down with me and did it!  She told me that she had learned that if you offer to pray for someone, very rarely will they turn you down.

If you say you are going to pray for someone, why not do it right then?

I developed an entirely new outlook on prayer that trip and I am determined to do more praying, and less talking about it.  I put a notebook in my purse for prayer requests and anytime that someone mentions a need, I write it down.  If I am in a place where I can, I am trying to step out of my comfort zone and lift the prayer up right then!

  • James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and produces wonderful results.”


I want to challenge you to get a prayer notebook.  Write down any and every prayer you can think of.  When you hear a need, write it down.  When someone asks you to pray for them, do it right then and there (and then write it down so you can continue to lift it up in prayer!).  Even if you never speak your prayers out loud in a group setting, take the time to sit down and pray before the Lord; lifting up every prayer that you have written before you.  You can even leave space in there to notate when a prayer is answered.  How amazing is it to see the prayers that you have prayed answered and to have them documented in front of you to continue to see how God has moved over time!

If you decide to start a prayer notebook (or if you already have a system in place for prayer) I would love to hear about it!  Feel free to message me or comment and share what you have found works for you!

Posted in Prayer

Every One of Us Is a Prayer Warrior…

A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to work on being a prayer warrior.  Ben had gone through his first brain surgery and was in the best health of his life.  We were incredibly thankful for the hundreds of people who had been praying for him and we both longed to be able to pray for others in return.  He asked me one day why I always referred to others as prayer warriors, but didn’t think of myself as one.  And he encouraged me to step out in faith and change my mind about myself!

So I heard about an opening for someone to head the prayer team at PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) at the post we were living at and I volunteered to fill the roll.  It was definitely a step outside the box for me and was a growing experience in my faith and in my prayer life.  No matter how much practice I got I still worried that I wasn’t good enough and God really stretched me that year.

Then I moved to Ohio, and started a Bible study with my sister in law and realized I wasn’t the only one afraid of praying in front of other people.  The problem with having a Bible study at your house and understanding people’s fear of public prayer is that you can’t force someone else to pray… you don’t even want to push them!  So, I jumped back in with both feet and as the weeks have gone by, I have started to get more comfortable with praying aloud (even though it isn’t something I would say I am good at)!

Did you know believers are supposed to pray?

The Bible tells us that all believers are supposed to pray, not just the pastors, the powerful prayer warriors, and the Bible study leaders.  Your prayers don’t have to be public prayers and there is nothing that says that you even have to pray them aloud, but scripture does tell us that we all should be praying.  Acts 2:42 says, “All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals, and to prayer.”

Job 11:13 says, “If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to Him in prayer.”  How hard is it to just lift our hands in prayer to Him, speaking to Him alone?  I realized that I could do that in a room by myself, or in a room full of people… but the important thing was I needed to be doing it.

This year has been a year full of prayer for me.  I went to bed every night after laying hands on and praying for my husband with frankincense and Melissa oils.  I was stretched beyond belief as I prayed for things that only God could do.  And he answered.  The Bible says, “devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.” (Colossians 4:2).


I am thankful that He answered.  I am confident that He will continue to answer my prayers, and my children’s prayers.  And as Romans 12:12 says I will “Rejoice in our confident hope.  Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” God’s not finished with my story yet.

Praying didn’t come easy for me in the beginning.  I still worry when praying in groups of people, but I am trying to set aside that fear and embrace all that God is teaching me through every prayer opportunity that I have!  You can do the same.  The more you pray in private, the more God will grow your confidence to pray in public!  I’m praying that you find the strength to embrace every opportunity that He gives you as well!

Posted in Prayer

God Doesn’t Rank Our Prayers… Even if We Do

I looked around the room at the women gathered and tried desperately not to make eye contact with the leader.  There was no way I was going to let her put me on the spot by asking me to pray in this huge group of ladies.  Maybe if I kept my head down long enough someone else would volunteer before I felt the pressure.  Does this sound familiar or is it just me?

I am the first to admit that I am not very comfortable praying aloud.  I have never felt like it was something I am good at and honestly, I have always felt intimidated by people who I felt were “holier” than I am.

When we would do circle prayers in high school and college, I always tried to be one of the last to pray (in hope that they would run out of time before it was my turn).  As I got older I aimed to be the last to pray because anytime someone prayed after me I would spend their whole prayer comparing mine to theirs… and feeling like mine came up short.

What about you?  Are you comfortable praying aloud?  Or do you avoid it like the plague?

I can remember meeting people who I thought were amazing prayer warriors and wishing that I could be more like them.  When struggles came up in my life or in our marriage, I would get on the phone, calling those people and asking them to pray.  They sounded so comfortable when they prayed; surely their prayers would hold greater weight, right?

NEWS FLASH: God doesn’t rank our prayers!

Despite my need to rank the prayers of the people in my life, God does NOT look at us and choose which ones He is going to answer based on how powerful our prayers are (or how many people turn to us for prayer).  All through Scripture we hear over and over about normal everyday people crying out to God and that He answered their prayer:

  • Genesis 25:21- “Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins.
  • Genesis 30:17- “and God answered Leah’s prayers.”
  • 1 Kings 17:22- “the Lord heard Elijah’s prayer, and the life of the child returned, and he revived!”
  • Psalm 120:1- “I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.”
  • Psalm 118:21- “I thank you for answering my prayer and giving me victory.”
  • Psalm 116:1- “I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.”
  • Psalm 102:17- “He will listen to the prayers of the destitute. He will not reject their pleas.”
  • James 5:17- “Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.”

You don’t have to be someone special (although in His eyes we all are) in order to pray a prayer that the Lord will hear.  The only thing it takes in order to pray a powerful prayer is belief.  You need to believe that He will answer; believe that He will meet the need; and believe that He is the all-knowing and powerful Father who knows which needs need to be met.


  • Matthew 21:22-“and all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

My prayer life is not perfect, but I am trying desperately to trust in the all-knowing Father when I take my prayers to Him.  I still am not very comfortable lifting prayers up in public, but God is working on me in that area as well.  Likewise, your prayers can be just as powerful as the most amazing prayer warrior you know.  They can make just as big an impact and our heavenly Father hears them just as loud!

Do you struggle with believing that the Lord will answer your prayers?  Do you know that you can ask Him to meet your need on your own?  Do you have a need that you want others to intercede on your behalf for?  If you do, I would be happy to help encourage you.  Feel free to message me or comment below and I would be happy to lift your prayer up with you!