I often find myself thinking about the future and what I hope it will look like. Peace about where I am, who I am surrounded by, and that my children will grow up to be exactly what God has for them! I long for strong relationships with other people and the ability to ground my children in the Word. And I hope that I make the right choices…
But I have learned over the years that hope makes one vulnerable. When we open ourselves up to dream big dreams and hope for the future, we do so knowing that we may not get the outcome that we are longing for.
Hope can literally be terrifying. It can weigh us down like a burden and feel like it is setting us up for a big fall.
Sometimes I find myself fighting the desire to not hope for anything, because if I do not put my hope in these earthly things, then I do not have worry about the brunt of disappointment if my hopes are dashed.
When Ben and I were struggling to start our family, I can remember the hopes that were dashed month after month. As many of my friends who have dealt with infertility know, it is hard to keep hoping in something that leaves you vulnerable to pain when it does not come to fruition.
After a particularly hard couple of months, I remember feeling hopeless and telling Ben I no longer wanted to hope… that maybe it was time for us to grow our family a different way…
I hated being vulnerable and continuing to hope for something that was I was not getting on my terms. Ben was used to dreaming big dreams and trusting God for the future. It was something those multiple deployments had trained him to do, and something that I still struggle with.
1 Peter 5:10 says, “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
Ben’s faith and hope was strong enough for both of us in that season, and I am incredibly thankful that our hopes became a reality that was even better than I could have imagined.
But I still long to be someone who hopes without holding back, and who trusts without trepidation. And I pray continually that God will allow me to show my children the importance of putting our hope in the things that we cannot see, and in a God who is good even when we are not.
Romans 8:24-25 says, “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
What about you? Do you live a life filled with hope in the things you do not see? Are you finding yourself waiting impatiently for them to come to fruition like I did for so many years?
We try to visit my family in Maine at least once or twice a year if we can. Fourth of July is one of my favorite times to be there because all the family gathers to celebrate… or did pre-pandemic.
But flying to Maine can be an expensive roundtrip so I always try to tack an adventure on to the start or end if I can. Pre-pandemic we flew through NYC at Christmas time and rented a car to drive up to Maine from there. This summer we decided to fly into Philadelphia on our way.
It has been a few years since our last visit to Pennsylvania, and now that the kids are a few years older, there were some different things that I wanted to make sure we were able to do!
Post Office, Magic Gardens, Elfreth’s Alley and More
We flew in on a Saturday morning and rented a car big enough for all 6 of us and our luggage for the next week. We chose a hotel downtown so that we would be able to walk to see as many sites as possible during our stay.
After picking up the rental car we made our way towards our hotel, the Wyndham Philadelphia in the Historic District. We had a couple of places we knew we wanted to see that wouldn’t be open the next day. For starters, we wanted the kids to see the oldest post office in the United States. They still hand-stamp mail there and we wanted the kids to send themselves a postcard!
We found a place to parallel park a few blocks away and stopped at a small drug store in search of postcards. The post office was under construction, but the kids enjoyed seeing some of the items that were on display. We taught them how to address letters and postcards before watching them get stamped (y’all, I had no idea that my children had never been taught how to do this before!).
Our next stop was the Philadelphia Magic Gardens. The Magic Gardens is a mosaicked indoor/outdoor art exhibit. Artist Isaiah Zagar created the gardens which cover about a half a city block. Walking around the outside of the Garden gates, you can see how the art exhibit spills over into the buildings both beside and behind the Magic Gardens. The kids enjoyed seeing all the mosaicked art and trying to figure out what was being pictured!
After those stops we made our way to check into our hotel. I researched a highly recommended Ramen place about 10 blocks from the hotel, so after checking and dropping our luggage, we made our way to Terakawa Ramen.
The kids were excited to find out that the Christ Church Burial Ground was right next to our hotel and they could see Benjamin Franklin’s grave on the way to dinner.
Dinner was about a 45 min wait, so we walked the streets of downtown seeing the Chinatown Friendship Gate and finding Boba Tea while we waited. The kids could not have been more excited when we finally got to have dinner. The restaurant was worth the wait and the service was great.
The walk back to the hotel was leisurely because it was still early for us. I wanted them to see a few other things while the streets were less crowded.
We made our way to Elfreth’s Alley and were pretty much the only people there exploring and checking out some of the oldest homes/shops in the country. The homes were built between the 1720s and 1830s. Despite their age, they have been well preserved and they continue to be lived in to date!
On the way back to the hotel we passed the Betsy Ross house and the Fireman’s museum.
We called it a night and headed to bed early!
CityPass, Liberty Bell & Independence Hall
Our second morning dawned bright and early. Since we were on east coast time, we decided to grab breakfast on our way to see the Liberty Bell. The line wrapped around the building by the time we arrived. But it moved fairly fast once they opened the doors! The kids took in Independence Historical Park and the view of Independence Hall while we took turns waiting in line.
Attendance was limited due to covid. This actually was nice. It meant we were not waiting to get pictures or to view the exhibits on the way to the bell! We could take our time, look at everything and get pictures with just us in the room!
A few days before our trip I was able to get tickets to the new Legoland opening in NY for Monday. So we decided to cut our trip in Philly down to two days instead of three! Due to our limited time in Philadelphia AND the fact that we wanted the best deal for all the things we wanted to accomplish we decided to do the CityPass for the day. The City Pass allows for on/off privileges on the city buses AND entrance to most of the museums and historical attractions in the city.
So from the Liberty Bell we made our way to the bus stop on the corner to set off on our tour of the city!
This was a unique and fun way for the kids to hear about the city and its history. Due to covid all the buses were operating together. This meant any tour company with a bus in the city we could hop on off of all day! We climbed on the first bus we saw and found seats in the front row!
We decided to hop off at the Reading Terminal. The terminal is set up like a market and we purchased some pastries and Challah bread to snack on throughout the day!
Franklin Institute and Eastern State Penitentiary
Our next stop was the Franklin Institute. The kids and I had visited when they were younger, but I figured they didn’t remember. But I did, and I knew they would enjoy the exhibits. We spent a couple of hours here enjoying the interactive exhibits (trying to see how fast we could run, how high we could jump, and how hard we could hit a ball). There is also a replica of the heart that you can walk through. And there is a glow in the dark brain you can climb through. We even took the time to sit and watch some science experiments in the main atrium downstairs.
When the kids had their fill, we climbed back aboard the open-air bus and set off for the Eastern State Penitentiary. The kids really enjoyed their stop here. Each person received their own listening device to do the walking tour. This allowed the kids to learn about the different exhibits at their own pace. It was interesting to see how elaborate the prison was. It was once the largest, most expensive prison of it’s kind. The walls have the stories of prisoners who were housed there. And the kids saw where Al Capone was supposedly housed.
After this stop we hopped back on the bus to find some lunch. I had heard wonderful things about Max Brenner’s. We all needed ice cream after all the walking in the heat, so we made our way there to have a late lunch. The food and service did not disappoint, and I highly recommend the restaurant.
After lunch we rode past the Magic Gardens. We saw a few other historic buildings and made a stop at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. We made it to Museum of the American Revolution shortly before closing. They offered to give us a full speed tour of the entire museum in under 30 min.
After watching a short video, we had our own personal tour guide lead us through the museum. They stopped just long enough to explain everything we were seeing. This is probably the speed the kids would have gone anyways. And this way we were able to learn about everything we were seeing while chasing them through 😉
We took our time walking back to our hotel from the museum and had dinner in the hotel lobby before calling it a night.
It was a whirlwind weekend start to lead into our trip to Maine. But we packed a lot into our two days in the city!
For younger kids, I definitely recommend the Please Touch Museum. We visited there on our last trip to the city and the kids still remember some of the exhibits they got to play with when we were there!
A trip to Carlsbad Caverns has been on my radar since we moved to Texas a few years ago. We looked at making a trip in 2020, but due to the pandemic decided to put it off a year.
We spent the first two weeks of June on the east coast split between Florida and the beach. And were heading to the northeast for the 4th of July! So we decided to stay closer to Texas for the second part of June. We decided a long weekend in New Mexico wouldn’t wear us out too much in the middle of all that travel!
We made the seven-hour trek down on a Friday afternoon excited to get settled into the Airbnb. The drive from the DFW area took us through endless desert land. Pretty sure we only saw a couple of stop lights and gas stations during the entire trek. When we arrived at the Airbnb, we were disappointed to find that it was not going to work out for us for the night.
Without going into too much detail, the back door to the house was open when we arrived. The house was unclean. And the locks on the windows were not in working order!
We ended up cancelling the reservation (this is a first for me) and getting rooms at a nearby hotel instead! With the temps nearing the 100s, this ended up being a good choice since the hotel had a pool! I love when there is a silver lining 😉
Carlsbad Caverns
We settled into the hotel and went out for dinner before wearing the kids out at the pool before bed!
On Saturday, we had late morning reservations to get into Carlsbad.
If I haven’t mentioned it before, I highly recommend getting a National Parks pass. We have used it repeatedly this year and have gotten our money’s worth about 10x over!
We checked in at the desk and got our tickets. Then we walked outside in the sunshine to start our trek down into the caverns.
You have two options to get into the caverns. You can make the 1.25 mile steep trek downhill (the equivalent of about 75 flights of stairs). Or you can take the elevator. Being that we had kids with us, we absolutely made the walk down! The view walking down into the caverns was incredible.
For much of the walk we were not within viewing or hearing distance of anyone else. It was cool and calming. And even the kids enjoyed it!
The amphitheater steps leading down towards the caverns.The descent into Devils Den
When we made it to the bottom, we linked up with the Big Room Trail. This trail explores the caverns and is another 1.25 miles, mostly flat as you go through the different “rooms” of the caverns. The views were incredible and once again I stood in awe of nature.
Pictures do not do this place justice. It’s something you truly have to see to appreciate!
When we finished, we agreed to ride the elevator up. The kids thought it would be neat to take an elevator up over 750 feet! Our obligatory visit to the gift shop was followed by the kids turning in their Jr. Ranger books in order to receive their Junior Ranger pins.
If you have not looked into the Junior Ranger program at the national parks, check it out. It is free at most parks and encourages the kids to answer questions and learn about the park as you are visiting! They are rewarded at the end with a patch or pin from the park!
We ate lunch and then made our way back to the hotel to do some afternoon swimming. We decided to return to the park in the late evening to see the bat flight program at sunset. This is one of the more challenging activities to do with kids. They encourage you to get there early before the sun sets, but you must remain still and quiet the entire time. Quiet is essential to not disturb the bats as they are waking up. We ended up at the program the same night as National Geographic had a photographer present to capture the view. Viewers are not allowed to take pictures or have cell phones at the bat flight so you have to imagine the view of 1000s of bats taking off in semi-dark sky!
Sitting Bull Falls
Sunday morning we packed a picnic lunch and made our way to Sitting Bull Falls. The falls are a short drive from Carlsbad and are unique in that they are located in a canyon. Sitting Bull is a collection of falls that are in the Lincoln National Forest and are open to the public for swimming. We all wore our bathing suits because it was going to be another triple digit day!
There is a parking area for the falls with restrooms and cabanas with picnic tables close to the parking. The falls are only a short hike from the parking area and you as you walk into the canyon you can see wild goats running back and forth across the canyon walls.
We picked a spot to set our stuff and then the kids ran to dip their feet in the water. They each took turns going out to the waterfall and coming back while playing near the shore.
After we sat and watched the goats climbing the canyon walls. Watching them maintain their footing while running back and forth was truly mesmerizing.
See if you can spot them!
We decided to venture back to Carlsbad for the afternoon and found our way to the water park in town. Admission was only $5 a person and there were almost no lines for the slides all afternoon. The kids (and adults) had a blast in the water. We ended the evening with a nicer dinner in town and made our way back to the hotel to get some rest since we would have a long drive home in the morning. We enjoyed a leisurely drive back through the barren desert after the kids were all up and moving!
This is definitely a trip that we enjoyed. Like Death Valley though, is not something I would make a special trip back to do again.
My word for 2021 was live. 2021 was supposed to be the year I remembered I was still alive. I started the year still living in fear of the unknown and ended the year remembering how important it is to make every moment count.
If we are friends, you know I have talked a lot the last few years about not living in fear. I have tried to focus on the good and joyful instead of being afraid of what could or would happen.
2020 threw me for a loop. Everywhere I looked, there was fear and death. It took a toll on me both physically and mentally. I spent two years making every moment count. Then in a few short weeks, was told that it was best for us to stay home and do nothing.
I had to put aside everything we planned and embrace a “new normal.” And normal consisted of staying close to home and not being around the people that we loved.
2020 was the year fear came back in. I allowed myself to worry about my decisions, my plans, and the long-term effects of my actions… it was also the year that I realized how much both the kids and I had lost when their dad died. 2020 was the year that I really forgot that I was still alive. The pain was truly heart-wrenching and we did not see an end in sight.
And then at the start of 2021, we lost my father-in-law. I got on a plane to Ohio with the kids and realized that a whole year of visits home had been cancelled because of fear. We had lost out on so many moments of sharing life with him because we were in fear of death. And I realized that I didn’t want 2021 to end the way 2020 did.
I woke up the morning we flew to Ohio and realized that I wanted my kids to know that we could be smart and still embrace living. We didn’t have to stay home alone and miss out on so many moments with loved ones.
So in 2021, we made 5 trips to visit our loved ones in Ohio; 5 trips to see my family in NC; and 2 trips to visit my grandparents in Maine. We took 2 extended road trips with my parents and took time to fly to see friends across the country. Our family stepped foot in over 30 states last year and visited one international country. We didn’t go everywhere we planned, but we did get to expand our horizons over the course of the last 12 months.
And in between trips we stayed close to home without any extracurriculars outside of church and school. We were safe, but we made every moment count. And the kids loved it. We found a normal in living again and embracing time with the people that we love, including each other.
We spend a lot of time talking about what we remember about their dad. They remember a trip to Disney with my parents and Ben when they were 2 & 4 years old. They remember going to the beach in NC with my family a few months before he died. Their memories consist of photos of moments spent together. And those same photos remind us of how he embraced every moment he had with them.
I know if Ben was here today, he would be living every moment to the fullest. He embraced life. He would jump on every opportunity to see the world (as safely as possible) while still living.
I do not fault anyone for choosing to stay in the bubble of protection close to home. But I have watched as countless friends have lost loved ones who did everything a certain way and they still got sick. I believe my husband did everything right and still got cancer.
I have spent countless hours worrying about my children losing another parent to sickness… but I know that our days are all numbered. And the truth is, I would worry whether I was sitting at home homeschooling or running all over town at every opportunity.
We can do everything right and still suffer pain and heartache. I pray every day for the health of me and the kids as we go about living, but I cannot stop living any more. Because I have learned when I sit still, I forget that I am still alive.
So 2021 was truly the year I remembered I am alive. I am thankful for every memory from this year. Grateful for every moment spent with the people we love. And I appreciate every treasured photo they will have to look back on many years from now.
I needed to live in 2021… and I pray that in 2022 we will be able to keep on living and embracing every moment. I want 2022 to be the year we do more than live…. I want it to be the year we thrive!!
**You may not agree with my sentiments in this post, but please know I respect your choices and do not fault you for them. Everyone has to make the choices they feel are best for their family. I just know we have already lost so much and I can’t allow us to lose the chance to live (safely) while we can!
Fifteen years ago, I woke up after a mostly sleepless night. I was excited about what would easily become one of the best days of my life. It had been a late night… In fact, I had hopped into a red convertible Corvette with my soon to be husband late the night before. We had taken a short drive away from all the family staying in the dorm I oversaw. And we found ourselves dancing under the streetlights in a parking lot next to the Campbell University football field.
People might think that was romantic. Or they may think that was a silly way to spend the night before our wedding when dozens of people were in town to spend time with us. But Ben knew that even after hours of lessons preparing for our first dance, I was still nervous to dance in front of our family and friends. And he wanted to make sure I woke up on our wedding day without a single worry in my head.
I forgot about that moment until last night. I lay in bed alone, remembering back to the night before that memorable day. A night when I saw all that I had dreamed of finally coming to fruition.
Our wedding day… May 28, 2006
Today would have marked 15 years of marriage to the first person I ever loved. 15 years of learning about life, love, and each other. 15 years of parenting and growing our family together. Years that weren’t perfect, but where we continued to choose each other despite everything we faced.
Today is my anniversary… but at the same time, it’s not. Because we only got 11 years of marriage to learn and grow together. We only got to prove to the world that we could do it all for 11 short years.
I learned a lot in those 11 years… and even more in the four years since that relationship unexpectedly ended. And this is what I know:
Marriage is hard work. In 2014, I blogged about how there was no title that I ever worked as hard for as Mrs. I had not forgotten about earning my doctorate, but I knew that I was going to spend every day for the rest of my life working hard as a wife.
Marriage is worth it. I have not forgotten the hard moments of marriage. The moments when you both must fight in order to keep on moving forward together. When it feels like the world is imploding around you. It does not matter how much work it is, it is worth it. It is worth it to know that you get to wake up every day next to the love of your life until the end of time.
Life is short. This is probably the most cliché, but it is also the best advice I can give to anyone in a relationship. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. In fact, today may not be either. Do not waste a single minute. Love big, embrace the ones you love, and enjoy every second with them.
If you are one of the lucky few who have gotten to spend more than a decade with the one you love, I applaud you. I envy you. I wish I was you. I will likely shed a tear or two hearing about your 25th and 50th anniversary knowing that I will be old and gray before those celebrations will be on my radar again.
But I will also cheer louder and harder for you then anyone else. And I will thank God that He allowed you all to make it to that point… because marriage is hard, and while it is worth it, not everyone makes it to that point.
So here is my advice to you: Cling to those you love, remember that life is short, and celebrate every little milestone the two of you reach together. It is worth it.
Today I’m remembering moonlight dances, cheesecake, and wedding vows. And missing the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life working hard to deserve. Happy 15th Anniversary in Heaven, my love! Love you, Mean it!
