(A repost, but in light of Covid, I couldn’t resist resharing)
There are days when it seems I can’t get over the fact that this is not the life I signed up for…
I signed up for a marriage that was going to last forever…
I signed up to be a crunchy, homeschooling mom of a half dozen or more kids who respected their elders, said please and thank you and NEVER talked back.
I signed up for the house with the white picket fence and enough rooms for everyone we know to visit.
I signed up for kids who wouldn’t know heartache and pain and who would grow up being empathetic without having to go through tragedy to get there.
And I signed up for all that planning to do it with the same man for the rest of my life…
the man who affirmed me every day of our marriage and who without sometimes I don’t know how to survive this parenting gig…
BUT somehow that contract got lost in the mail and what I got instead was a quiet house with too many empty rooms,
kids who have been through more then their share of pain…
(And talk back every chance they get…)
Kids who have had more than enough sugar and processed food the past two years to make up for the five years of deprivation,
And who went to public school last year so that I have time to work to pay the extra bills that come along with being a single mom…
And now, in the midst of a pandemic, we have come back around full circle and I am having to pray and trust God all over again with every decision and every move that I make…
I didn’t sign up for this!
I’m Making the Most of It
But this life that I didn’t imagine… the one I didn’t expect or think I deserved… has forced me to trust God more than I ever have before…
I have learned to bathe every decision I make in prayer and faith.
I got the kids that talk back so I would remember to ask Jesus to help me with them every single day,
I got the empty house so that I will have quiet nights to pray and seek God’s help daily…
I got the kids who have truly suffered a loss so that God could show me how to handle pain, both mine and theirs, especially now.
This is not what I signed up for, but because it isn’t the life I wanted, I have to trust the Lord to bring about His purpose and plan every single day.
Momma, if this isn’t the life you expected or deserve, I’m praying for you… that you will be able to let go of what you think should have been and make every minute of what is count too…
